Friends, real or pretentious?
A friend of mine met with an accident recently, waiting to find out more about her condition in the A&E makes me sick. It's really painful not knowing anything. The news can be good, can be bad. Looking at her with her face swollen and with machines hooked to her and helping her to breathe makes my hands cold as ice. Seeing her MSN still on with "out to lunch" (she was knocked by a SBS bus during lunch time) status makes my stomach turn.
This accident kind of reminded me how fragile life is. I still got the sms from her couple of days back requesting us to keep 7th July free to celebrate her birthday, now she lie motionless in the ICU ward. She's well like by her friends, lots of them showed up when they got the news of her accident, all eager to know the latest progress of her injuries.
Friends can be here a moment and gone the next, not only in situations like these but also when disputes, quarrels, misunderstandings, even a simple miscommunication or a simple hurtful word can end a friendship. I am not good with acting, if I am not happy, its shown very obviously. I preferred it that way. I can't sweet talk you but in actual fact feels the other.
I used to think that I have found a 'soul mate' who she claims that she felt that way too. However, her actions completely do not suggest that. When I told her about it, she came up with 1001 excuses. I am not a demanding friend, if you don't have time for me, I completely understands, no need to pretend like you care (I seriously don't need that)
She recently said "we don't seems to be able to get back to what we used to be" how can that be possible? You showed how much I am valued to you, how do you expect me to give you the same treatment like before when I thought I got much higher value?
Perhaps it's time I start clearing my contact list. Who knows it might help me save quite a bit on weddings, birthdays, child births etc.
Reasons what I like about dawn
Having transferred to another department at work recently, puts me on shift duties which requires me to start work at 7am. Meaning I am out of the house by 6.30am. Being a morning person, starting work as early as 7am is not an issue. Besides, I prefer dawn to dusk. Seeing the sky slowly brightens up, makes me feel good. On dive trips, I would wake up early (also to avoid toilet queue ), sits outside the resort room or on the sun desk of the dive boat (Live On-Board trips) to watch the sun paints the pitch black sky blue.
Some reasons why I prefer dawn.
D - Daylight. Seeing the bluish orange coloured sky when the sun starts to peep over the horizon, gives me refreshing feeling. It also marks the beginning of a new day, a new start. Even if it's not a brand new start, you get to continue from a new starting point of what you have not completed the day before.
A - Air. The air is fresher in the morning before the pollution sets in for the day. Fresh air perks me up. With lesser greens and more buildings and cars (even Formula one is coming) having a breath of fresh air in Singapore is getting harder. The morning air is my 'coffee' these days.
W - Weather. It's always cooler in the morning as there is not blazing sun to scorch your skin. Being a person that perspires quite a bit, I welcome a cooling morning breeze anytime.
N - Noise level. With lesser crowd means lesser noise. I can't stand a crowded public transport packed with tons of people talking like they are all deaf. On a morning train, not only do I get seats, I get to snooze peacefully with the occasional disturbance of some deaf trying out their mp3 players. I get to watch those half asleep passengers rocking from side to side in their seats too.
没希望就没失望
最经常有以上的词句出现。我在想，人的一生有可能完全没希望吗？从小开始就会对所做的事存有希望。比如说，考试就希望有好成绩，有好成绩就希望能得到父母的奖赏或可以成功的升上所向往的学府。到了求职时期就会希望能得到一份月新高，有挑战性又喜爱的职业。恋爱时又会希望能找到的一位能长相思守的好伴侣。
总而来说，人的一生不可能毫无希望，有希望就会有失望，差别在于失望的程度和如何对待此失望。有些人能潇洒面对，有些人可能会对此失望而感到悲伤。
无论如何，日子总是要过，失望过后就期待另一个希望吧。
Being LAST fiddle
Recent events make me wonder how important some 'friends' place me on their friend's list.
Case 1: A friend came suggest birthday dinner with another friend. I contacted the birthday gal asking if she's keen to go out for dinner. She decline giving the reason of wanting to avoid the crowd on Friday night and it's worse with GSS on. However, on the next day, I got a msn message saying she went out and had a great time with the girl who suggested dinner in the first place. Of course I wasn't informed at all about the meeting. If you have not intention to go out with me, just tell me you don't want to go out. If you change your mind about it then don't come telling me how great a time you had without me. Doing so only show how much you enjoyed WITHOUT my company.
Case 2: Someone suggest watching a certain movie, thinking it's to be watch together, I didn't proceed in making my own arrangements for that particular movie. After sometime, I suggest watching it but the replied I got wasn't kind. She got a free ticket for the movie and going for it. I have nothing against her going for the free movie but at least have the basic courtesy in informing me about it once she decides to go for the free movie so that I can make my plans to watch it with others rather then waiting and to be disappointed. Perhaps it was my fault to assumed that we are to watch the movie together.
Case 3: Someone asked me go clubbing. She said she will join me after her karaoke session. When I got to our supposed meeting place, the queue was horrendous. I informed her that I will be changing place and keep her posted. When I got to the new place, she asked tons of questions like what music, what crowd etc etc However, in the end she sms and say she's at another place with other friends. If you have NO intention to go clubbing with me, please do not put me on a wild goose chase.
I seriously wonder how others prioritized such events. Do you say YES only to friends who are more important to you or whoever approach you first? I know not all friends are of the same or equal and they do have their other commitments. I'm even okay being the least important person on your friend's list or the last choice but I rather be rejected then to be put on hold. I can take rejections graceful but I can't stand putting my time aside for YOU only to find out I was the last spare in case all other plans of yours failed.
There is only so much I can do
A follow up on the 'Divorce' topic. As I post the topic on Saturday, that friend of mine has moved in with her husband to their new house. She said "Everything is fine now, I'm with him".
I don't know what to say only to wish her all the best but somehow I can't help but having reservation on how well she would be. To me, once a wife beater, always a wife beater be it a pinch or slap. Well, she made her choice, there's only so much I can do for her. I just hope I no need to go listen to her again in the middle of the night or visiting her in hospital (worse case scenario) for injuries inflicted by her husband.
Gals who are reading this might like to enlighten me on why some gals, regardless how badly she was being treated by their boyfriends or husbands, sticks with them or kept going back to them.
I also got to learn that D was treated badly by her last boyfriend. They had a fight, she said she going home and he reply was "I not sending you". This is 2am in the morning at his place. I don't think I would want her to go wait for cab by the road in the middle of the night even though Singapore is safe at night. Despite that, she still sms him the next morning asking him out for movie only to be ignored. She called him and he just rejected her flat. I don't see myself ignoring my girlfriend if she makes an effort to make up.
Maybe it's just me that I don't treat gals that I like (regardless romantically or not) this way. If you like someone, you shouldn't you make them happy? Of course, there might be occasions where there might be some conflicts but it should be sorted out quick and not strain the good relationship you shared.
